September 6, 2013

International Buy a Priest a Beer Day

Please remember that Monday is International Buy a Priest a Beer Day, which is to say that it is not because that fact has been made up; but as the genteel pipe-wielding writer at The Catholic Gentleman points out, its not yet having become a holiday should not deter its becoming a holiday in the very near term. By Monday, say.

A friend from Orange City inquires whether there isn't already a book called If You Buy A Priest A Drink. In point of fact there is (T. Lightcap, If You Buy a Priest A Drink: A Whimsical Truckle with Ecclesiastical Beverages: St. Martin Press, (c) 2005), and here is its rough plot:

1. If you buy a priest a beer, he's going to want a pretzel to go with it.

2. When he sees the pretzels, he'll remember his ancestors were Germans.

3. Thinking of Germans will motivate him to purchase lederhosen.

4. He'll go online to shop and compare for lederhosen, but his computer will be too slow, and this will make him want to upgrade his current computer. He will drive to Best Buy for advice.

5. The guy at Best Buy, though helpful, will be distracted, and the priest will visit with him at length about this. It will turn out that his mother recently died and he's in no shape to sell computers, but Hey, ya gotta make ends meet. They will make an appointment for pastoral counseling.

6. The priest will be unable to remember the title of a good book from 1965 on the subject of pastoral counseling. Ultimately he will seek help from Kindle, the local bookshop, and the library, but nothing will be able to sufficiently fix his failing memory.

7. The librarian will lightly scold the priest for keeping her so far past her quitting time, and will explain that she is overdue for supper.

8. The priest will forget the book and instead remember that it's been a while since he had lunch himself, and that there's a decent steak sandwich at a shop around the corner.

9. And chances are, if he orders a steak sandwich, he's going to want a beer to go with it.


Señor Brew said...

Nice story you borrowed. Looks like you borrowed the photo from my blog too, or someplace else that also copied it, since I created it. Please remove it.

Señor Brew

The Rev. Torey Lightcap said...

Señor Brew: I was only too happy to remove the picture, which I thought I'd found while performing a "Labeled for noncommercial reuse" advanced Google Image search (but apparently found using just plain old Google Image search). It's really no problem at all, and I do apologize. However, I take very seriously the allegation that anything I wrote on that page may have been "borrowed." That's what I grew up calling plagiarism, and it does not fly.