April 19, 2014

Public Service Bulletin: Things Not to Say to Visitors on Easter Sunday

  • Excuse me -- you're sitting in my seat.
  • We've been missing you! (Intimation: "...even though no one has called/written.")
  • Pardon me, but the nursery is downstairs. (Intimation: "And I'm sure we'd all be a lot happier if you availed yourself of it.")
  • Congratulations on having a pulse -- you qualify for ________ ministry, and we need help immediately!
  • Everyone is just like family here. (Intimation: "You aren't yet. Not until we say so.")
  • You'll get the hang of it. Everyone does.
  • Isn't everything just perfect today?
  • We're a warm, loving, caring community. (Intimation: "We speak about ourselves rather than God. Also, there are things you won't figure out about how this church works until you've been here for a while, and it is our prerogative to name them for you.")
  • Here's where we have coffee hour. Well, I'm going to go sit with my friends, so see you later, okay?


Lauralew said...

Or, what was said to my husband the one time he darkened my church's door when we lived in VT--"About time you showed up! We thought Laura was single." Do you see why it was the only time he darkened the door?

SCG said...

Or just as bad as any of these, there's the tendancy not to speak to the strangers at all.